how therapy changed my life
It is okay to be in therapy. That is a sentence I had to repeat to myself for weeks before I finally began my search for a therapist. The foreignness and vulnerability terrified me. I was fearful of what wounds it might reopen, what parts of myself I would have to explore that I would rather ignore (or deny), and what lifestyle changes I might have to make despite the comfort of my old yet unhealthy patterns. I preferred convincing myself I could handle the weight of life on my own. But then it hit me, I don’t have to. There are resources out there for me as I twist and turn through the obstacle course of life. I can have a teammate with me as I navigate it, helping me to see the right path to reach the finish line.
It took months to find a therapy that best fit my needs and goals (and my insurance plan). But when I finally did, I felt a sense of connection that shocked me. Surprisingly, I felt a sense of openness to what it could bring rather than entering the session with a cold heart and closed mind. In fact, during my first session, I cried. To be real, I sobbed. This was notable for me because crying in front of a stranger is something I always viewed as too vulnerable and emotional, but she encouraged me to be comfortable with every tear. I was able to admit something to her that I had shoved into the lonely crevices of my body for years, and I felt lighter just admitting this to myself and others. Each week since then, I look forward to laying my burdens down in an environment where openness is the norm, judgment is casted aside, and all feelings are welcome and met with love. And each week, I am motivated to become a manifestation of that environment for others.
This month marks a year of my therapy journey, and I am grateful for all the lessons learned thus far. I am now more aware of the cognitive distortions my mind practices, instead learning to rationalize irrational or unhealthy thinking patterns. I have become so much better at self-advocacy, boundary setting, and avoiding energies that trigger unwanted emotional reactions within me. I have begun to accept and process bad news with a mindset of understanding and self-compassion. I have started to take power back from people that had taken it from me. I have finally begun to forgive myself for the hurt and deep pain I have caused others, finally taking off the cloak of shame and self-hatred I had been wearing for years, and I have begun to forgive others for the hurt and heartache they have caused me. I have gotten better at apologizing and taken accountability for times I might falter. I have practiced placing more trust in God, because He is ultimately the author of my life, not me. I have learned to let go and just live life, because being crippled with worry, doubt, or fear is not living.
Most importantly, therapy has reminded me to look forward and to trust in the beauty that that future holds. To do that, I will surely have to rectify trauma from the past and implement more healthy practices in my present day-to-day relationships, but ultimately, I am crafting a masterful and beautiful future version of myself. Therapy right now is making me a better future friend, future partner, future confidant, and future mother. Therapy reframes my perspective, because even though today might be dark, the sun will always bring light tomorrow.
