health, wellness, and happiness as Black Women: wise words with Amarachi Ibe
Every time I am on the phone with my grandmother, who I lovingly call Nahni, she ends the conversation saying: “Take care of yourself, Shira.” I always wondered to myself why she says that instead of “goodbye,” “talk to you soon,” or “I love you.” But upon further reflection, I realized that taking care of yourself is one of the most primary and pertinent forms of love. Her words, with such clarity and care, serve as a reminder to watch over myself at all times. Taking care of our mind, our heart, our body should be a priority for all of us, especially when times are even harder.
Personally when I am having a rough week, I often am tempted to stay in bed, skip a meal, and watch reality TV instead of facing my own reality. But, when our bodies are fatigued from difficult classes, a packed schedule, or financial stress, we must refuel it with food and nutrients to keep it going. We must listen to our bodies needs and wants rather than pushing them aside. We must remember to breathe. We often forget this.
Amarachi Ibe, a Nigerian Reiki Practitioner, Self Development Coach, and alum of Northwestern University, centers her life around prioritizing the needs of her body and helping others discover the powers invested in their own bodies. Her blossoming website and reiki healing company, Advice from Amarachi, hopes to be a space that helps those that engage with it arrive at their best selves through the power of conversation and reiki healing. For Amarachi, this best self can be accomplished through investing in your relationship with yourself, as well as fostering your relationships with others. Her Youtube Channel also touches upon these topics, with videos about holistic health, meditation, and more.
In order to reflect more about what health, wellness, and happiness means to both of us, I posed three critical questions:
Our Reflections on Health, Wellness, and Happiness
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Our Reflections on Health, Wellness, and Happiness |
What does the journey towards health, wellness, and happiness look like and feel like for you? Has this definition or relationship changed over time?
Amarachi: The journey towards health, wellness, and happiness looks like me fully embracing who I am and being extremely intentional with how I spend my time. Time is the most valuable currency. When spent properly, everything becomes clearer because you direct your energy where it needs to go and distractions fade away. As I progress, I realize that the most important things are making sure I master the basics of taking care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Before I act, asking myself “How do I put my well-being first?” helps guide my actions so I make sure my actions align with the goals I have. I’m new to this, but I hope I get to a point where I don’t need to ask myself this and it becomes second nature, like breathing. The relationship has definitely changed overtime. I was raised to always put school, career, other people’s thoughts and opinions, and basically everything under the sun before what I wanted and needed. I took my body for granted—pulling all nighters, skipping meals to meet deadlines, working without breaks, etc. I never consulted myself on anything, often letting other people think for me. In order to heal, I give myself grace because I wasn’t put in environments that let me fully trust, love, and believe in myself. It’s easy to get mad at how much time went to other things and other people, but I’m here now. Finding joy in the process and focusing on habits more than goals and deadlines is essential.
Shira: Before even attempting to answer this question, I want to reemphasize that I too am on, and often struggling through, this journey towards health, wellness, and happiness. I have zero expertise, and truthfully, I often wonder if I’m “doing it right.” However, I feel like this journey requires lots of patience and adaptation. There’s no one definition of a “right” journey, and it is all about finding what works for you. There have been seasons in my life where I have been more devoted to maintaining a healthy lifestyle, while at other times I feel really distanced and discouraged from the idea of prioritizing myself, although I know it’s undoubtedly important. In fact, a big reason why I took a couple months off of posting on Black & Bloom was actually because I was feeling emotionally and physically drained and needed a hard reset. So for me, it’s a day by day thing that requires me to listen and be in tune with what my body wants and needs at that particular moment. And then after listening, I need to respond and adjust, and that’s often the hardest part.
How have your identities shaped or shifted your health and wellness journey?
Amarachi: As a black person, I don’t think many of us grow up seeing many of examples of what it truly means to take care of yourself. We have to work harder and push ourselves to the max and never really rest. We carry a lot too. As a result, I’ve had to unlearn and learn a lot about what health and wellness really is. Sleep isn’t for the weak. It’s ok to take a day off. Not everything deserves a reaction. Rest is productive. I still have to remind myself of this as well, but I’m glad I’ve recognized this now instead of throwing myself into something that drains me rather than energizes me. From another standpoint, health is not just the physical. Health also encompasses one doing things that fulfill them and one being in supportive environments where they are celebrated. Many times, Black kids are pushed to settle for “safer” career paths or jobs rather than pursue their passions. However, a lot of the “safer” jobs have terrible, anti-Black work environments and put tremendous stress on us as we constantly have to stand up for ourselves and demand respect. Consistently having to do this is mentally, physically, and spiritually unhealthy. I’ve decided to dedicate more time to existing and collaborating in spaces where I’m celebrated and where I don’t have to make myself small to meet someone else’s expectations. It’s much more freeing and therefore less stressful. Being in such environments improves my mood and gives me energy to go about life as I want. Seeing my happiness and my passions as part of my health has been crucial in me truly loving and embracing myself.
Shira: The very niche health and wellness market gears their advertising towards young wealthy white women, so my identity falsely led me to believe for years that the wellbeing of folx that look like me were not of value. However, I started to have conversations with my mom about my health, and I found Black and Brown female Youtubers that spoke passionately about how they maintain a healthy and sustainable lifestyle. I had always been an active person, but I started to learn that health and wellness meant much more than merely exercising. These women taught me the importance of taking vitamins, drinking plenty of water, meditating and doing yoga, what foods serve your body and what foods subtract from its power, and much more. I started to see it no longer as a luxury, but as an attainable necessity. I definitely don’t have it all figured out yet. I still have SO much to learn, and I believe that my identities stunted my growth in a way, convincing me that the health and wellness journey was inaccessible and unattainable.
Lastly, for anyone who is struggling on their own journey or unaware of where to start, what advice would you give? Also, what keeps you going on days when you are struggling yourself?
Amarachi: Start with meditation. Start with journaling. Start with anything that lets you have a conversation with yourself. Ask yourself, “How am I feeling?” “Am I happy?” “What are my values?” “Do my actions align with that I say I believe?” Questions like these start looking at the core of who you are. A lot of times, you may realize that who you think you are is what other people want you to be or told you to be. Additionally, start spending more time alone. You learn a lot about yourself that way too.
When I’m struggling, I have a few things I do and it varies when I do it depending on the situation. (also no particular order) 1. If I need to, I allow myself to cry and release whatever I’m feeling. Not for too long though, and after I release I have to create a plan to make sure I never cry about whatever it is again.
2. Ask myself “Am I doing everything in my control to better this situation?” Many times the answer is no. Once I ask myself that, I cut the self-pity and negative talk and look at my actions.
3. In other situations, I also stop negative talk by reminding myself of all the positive changes and achievements I’ve made this far. Always remember your accomplishments. Write them down in a list if you need to and refer back to it when you feel yourself struggling.
4. I also say affirmations when I feel down to remind myself that a bad moment doesn’t mean a bad future. I also remind myself of my blessings.
5. I allow myself to rest and go back to doing something fun. I’ll watch a movie, go to a park, go for a walk, exercise, draw, or anything that makes me happy. Also, meditating or closing your eyes throughout the day can be really beneficial and help you turn your day around real quick.
Shira: I am with you, I get it. For me, establishing safe spaces through mentor figures, whether in person (ie: family, friends, coworkers, etc.) or virtually (ie: Youtube, Twitter, etc.) was my starting point, my point of entry. Their words and testimonies can help you inform your own. If you believe in some higher power, also engage in conversation with Them and lay your burdens, questions, and concerns down through prayer. Keep asking questions, even if the process or answers are scary. To answer the second question, I always remind myself that I only have one body. It is divine and sacred, and I must show it the same care I show others. I must adorn it with love and devotion, because if not, I am the only one that will pay the price/be affected.
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Wise words like my Nahni’s and Amarachi’s should remind all of us, even at our darkest, most hopeless moments, to take care of ourselves with love and compassion. We deserve it.
